that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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