The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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