it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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