That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
