Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
