When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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