I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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