So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
