it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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