bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
