i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
