And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
