3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I didn't shave. On purpose
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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