I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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