My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
