remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
