Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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