We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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