You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
