Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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