We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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