There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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