he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
