Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
