so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
