I just cut my nipple shaving
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I just sharted jello shots
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