Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
