Christians are straight up FREAKS
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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