please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
