i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
