Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
