I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
