Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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