So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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