Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
