I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
