So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how does that bad decision feel?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His nipple licking is glorious
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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