I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
