Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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