shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
