so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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