i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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