god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
