I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
