just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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