After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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