So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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