i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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