You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
