My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
