Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
