No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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